Laying it down

Last night I was talking with a friend about a loss that happened in my life a few years ago…and how I have not been able to get over the grief and anger – try as I might.

Through the conversation I came to realize that I have been so angry with God about the sudden loss of my friend that I have never really allowed myself to grieve her.

Thing is…God is not to blame. Deeper still…it is not about blame at all.

And so I have laid down my anger. I have asked God to forgive me for blaming him for her death. And I have really begun to grieve my friend.

I will not dishonor her with empty grief and anger any longer. Why I get to walk on in this life while she does not mystifies me. She was a fourth of my age but knew more about love and kindness than I ever will.

But I get to walk on for some reason.

And I intend to make my life worthy of having known her.

Somewhere in all that, I can hear her laughter. And at this I smile.

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