My Concession Speech

Well…it’s been a long, difficult race. And tonight I am here to congratulate my opponents. Y’all must’ve run a good race and have apparently been elected to the Wayne State University Board of Governors.

I wish both of you luck in using this piffling win as a stepping stone in your desires for greater electoral relevance and success.

Me? I’m taking my talents to South Beach.

The people have spoken. And outside of the Hennings–and maybe a couple of nameless, faceless patriots–the people have been proven horribly, horribly wrong. Good luck getting out of the collective political ditch we’re in…and oh…good luck being an institution of higher learning in Michigan. I have a little loose change in my pocket if it’ll help.

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